well, i've been through the hardest period of fangirling, when i can't sleep because i have to plan everything to fangirling, when i cry because i cannot watch my favorite boyband concert in my country because i was in THEIR country, when i can distinguish between reality and dream, when i was being delusional, when i spent too much money on unnecessary thing just because it's my boyband's merchandise, when i cry because i heard that my bias date someone (hahahaha), then my super hard effort to meet them, sleepless night, study for final exam in broadcast building...etc. when fangirling is become one of my top priority in life.....
until i feel like...i can't stop this. how can i?
but then, i've made a promise with my exchange friend. i'll focus on my life, and stop being crazy fangirl. i will focus on my dream, and all those group is just entertainment for me. not too deep, cannot think too much about it, cannot spend most of my time for it.
then when i come back here, in indonesia, slowly, one by one i can manage it. i feel like i recover. i'm not spending that many of my time to fangirling. i feel normal to see my bias. i like them, but just like (a little bit more ahhaha). i think of them just as another human who doing their job. i can accept it when i can't reach them. i can accept it when other fans get to see them or interact with them when i'm not. i'm not jealous. even, i can think of them having girlfriend and normal life.
i feel free
but still have that fangirl excitement to see their airport pictures, or their newest interview, their weekly programs, etc. but this time, i let my heart out,cannot involve my heart too much like i was before (T.T)
i feel happy
hehehe
even, i can see their fancafe announcement in normal mode. feels so nice
but hahhaa..
yesterday i went to airport to see other boyband come to my country. just to accompany my sister and her friend (and entertain myself). but i kinda feel 'ooh i really miss this feeling'. feel in a rush, heartbeat, etc. hahahaha.
but yeah...
it feels more free..and nice..because i let my heart out. just my eyes, and pleasure. i cannot involve my heart in any fangirl activities. cannot. i just do this for fun, and entertainment, and when i don't have something to do. and cannot make this kind of things as priority of my life (just like i was before....just for a moment)
but still, these kind of normal feel of fangirl is kinda new for me, so i have to keep it still. and do it slowly. make it as my usual thing.
i wish i can.
oh of course! i can!
actually i was not that crazy. just because the situation was kinda letting me become like that so......
oh.
since i haven't write most of my fangirl moment...hehehe..i will write about it later. with more relax heart and mind. i feel like it's such a waste if i just let it just in my diary and photo folder. hahahaha..please anticipate for it. i will try to write it nicely~~
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