Am I loving myself too much? 🥰

Here the day #6 of daily blogging and I'm already run out of ideas on what to write. 

So I opened my old diary, and try to betray my younger self by writing a blog post about what I wrote there. But I don't have the key. Yes, my diary has a key, apparently, I couldn't trust anyone in my house to not read my diary, so yes, a diary with a key is the key. aha

I tried to find the key, a small key, for like...half an hour. Gave up. And then tried to opened it with a hair clip, just like a movie, yeah...failed. Tried to ripped the book to get into the content but my heart is weak. And eventually I managed to open the diary without hurting any diary in the process, just call me 'smart'

 

The diary

Flipped through the diary. 

"kayaknya otakku korslet nih, tak bisa berpikir, binun..huh..gimana nih" -June 2007

uhm is that yesterday's entry??

"hmmph..bingung nih..aku banyak ketinggalan bgt dari temen2 yang lain,,aku kayaknya harus mulai berubah nih..tapi..aku blon bisa..aku gak tau harus mulai dari mana..belajar??malah aku sama sekali gak tau caranya gimana..baca buku? latihan soal?ato gimana? aku gak bisa belajar" -August 2007

hey, how can you be so relatable? hello...diary from 2007?? the constant comparing and feeling inadequate 😂

It is funny because I got good result in high school, if not great (I'm not sombong okay, just inherently smart duh lol), but I actually didn't know how to study! and I thought I was the only one who can't study, who don't know how to do it properly, apparently you need to learn how to study..and I know that years after that.

"besok ulangan biologi..gimana nih? aku gak mw di kelas dua ini peringkat aku turun. aku harus belajar..tp aku males. aku g mau males, tp aku g bisa. aku pasti bisa..tp apaan PR jaraaaaang bgt aku bikin di rumah, tugas jaraaaang bgt aku kerjain. aku mau tp susah..mungkin aku harus ngelurusin niat dulu deh..tp gak tau gimana & aku g yakin itu ampuh 

kolom unhappy: why I am lazy?"

The whole fight and struggle with the laziness started from way way before. Honestly it is almost like lazy is my personality. I accept that.

"mungkin udah sepantesnya kalo kimia nantinya aku remed, karena aku juga gak pernah ngerjain tugasnya atau bahkan sekedar merhatiin di kelas. hmmmh.."

Started to accept the reality (even before trying lol)

Honestly it is quite difficult to read my diary because I was training my left hand at that time, so I wrote all the entries with my left hand 🙃

Oh it is funny that I tried so hard to opened this diary but actually the entry is just like yesterday..you know, same thing.

"kayaknya otakku korslet nih, tak bisa berpikir, binun..huh..gimana nih" Yup, exactly yesterday

"hmmph..bingung nih..aku banyak ketinggalan bgt dari temen2 yang lain,,aku kayaknya harus mulai berubah nih..tapi..aku blon bisa..aku gak tau harus mulai dari mana..belajar??malah aku sama sekali gak tau caranya gimana..baca buku? latihan soal?ato gimana? aku gak bisa belajar" Similar stuff happens

And of course the constant battle with laziness 😂

But I also found some heartwarming contents like:

"masih sangat amat menginginkan untuk kuliah di luar negeri..umm bisa gak ya? pengen deh ke Norwegia/Finlandia umm..bener2 pengen search di internet nih..liat peringkat universitas di dunia buka ttg SNU, liat jurusan dll dsb dst..ah Korea..sungguh indah impianku melanglang buana kesana..inginnya aku umm tak bisa..tahan..cih..I want to study abroad plis..plis plis pengen bgt..getoh"

and

"supaya aku bisa kuliah di luar negeri, planning aku..

• belajar bahasa inggris yang baik dan benar
• belajar dan mendapatkan nilai bagus
• setiap hari musti ada yang dipelajari

tiada hari tanpa belajar

Jangan cuma omdo! hehehe"

It's like I want to go back to the past and say to younger me, 

"hey, you will achieved all those dreams soon! Actually you will study in Korea in around 4 years after you wrote this! and while you (as far as I know) do not study in Norway or Finland, you study somewhere near them actually (spoiler alert: windmill, cheese, bike, you got it?), and you eventually travel to those countries, so cheer up, and continue to study, just embrace your laziness (lol) but find a workaround! You can do it!"

Also to present me:

"Hey, you will achieve all the dreams you have! and the dreams you will have! and it is okay even if right now you don't find anything interesting, you will do great anyway, I know you so well, don't discredit yourself, you are doing great for sure, cheer up, you can do it!"

- This whole post that was intended to make fun of my younger self turned to be something so heartwarming..I can't with my self 🥰😭