I once at a point where I felt like my whole identity was defined by my job. That's partly also because most of my time was spent at work and only thinking about work.
I used to spend the weekend sometimes on work, just because I can do it and it is easier to rearrange my schedule to meet with participants for my research. It was actually possible to better arrange it to make it just in weekday, but with a longer timeline, but as I didn't have anything important to do anyway, might as well use my weekend, I thought.
Or one time when I presented the research about a product our company wants to build that actually it is not needed for our users, and is failing miserably in the test. When the people who want to build that didn't believe in the result of my research and want to continue pushing the product, I took it very personally. I thought that that person didn't trust me and purposely doing that to me.
And that one time when the top-level people decided to stop developing that exact same product and all the people are agreeing with it, I also took it personally, that what I said won't matter, unless it is said by top-level people. (Which in that case was quite true...)
But, I didn't know these small little behaviors are the signs of overidentifying with work. I overidentify myself with the work I do and that makes small negative events at work will affect me personally.
Our identities are actually multifaceted. It is not one static thing. And it is not only coming from our job but why is it so easy to fall into this 'overidentifying with work'?
I read that identity is defining our uniqueness through experience and other aspects that happen in our life, including occupation. We will choose the thing that will give us meaning as our identity to either identify with a group or distinguish ourselves from other groups. We also seek external validation to even strengthen the identity circle we chose and as an adult, we try to gain those from our personal achievements. and since we spend most of our time working, it is easier to get this 'achievement' from what we do at work, and thus having an impact on our identity.
Our job gives us a sense of achievement, a confidence that we are needed, and make an impact on something. And of course, at the least, it also gives us confidence in our ability to provide our living. At the basic, the higher we rise in level or salary, make a sensation that we achieve something and it becomes a token of our 'value'.
But actually, our work or job title is just a position we fill in a role that the organization needs. When we overidentify ourselves with a job title or what we do, it makes it even harder to separate the work and personal matters. The mistakes in our work will become 'our flaw' and when we are not satisfied with what other colleagues, we could take it too personally, and think that they don't like to work with us, or something like that. Besides, it also one of the very well-known causes of burnout. We forget that we are just filling a role, and everybody else is as well and that we're all here for the same purpose of fulfilling the organization's goal.
Also, it is a very fragile identity, because we can lose our job or fail at it anytime, and if we do, it will hit us even harder, because we will feel like our whole identity was crushed.
And we are at the risk of losing ourselves and our value.
How can we do something about it?
First, we need to realize that work is something that we do, and not something of who we are. Our job doesn't define us as a person, whether we are unemployed, a freelancer, a CEO, or a factory worker. Identify our own personal values.
Take time and try to make the same effort (or just thought) you put into work for other things as well. This is something that actually helped me. I do other things that I can also identify with and give thought to as well. Pay more attention to our hobbies and other things in our life. It'll help us to identify ourselves with the things we love to do and not just a position we have.
At the end of the day, work may and probably should add meaning to our life (though it is not the main thing it is just a means to earn a living), but remember that our work is not the meaning of our life.
Life is very dynamic and there is more to life than just a career.
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